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Afternoon Noise

Hey all.  It’s been awhile since I’ve just sat down here with my laptop and talked to you guys.  As many of you may have noticed, my photography posts have seriously been lacking.  I’ve never felt so unmotivated or uninspired before.  When it comes to photography anyway.  It’s not really that I’m not inspired… I can think of lots of creative ideas to shoot, but I just haven’t felt the “want to.”  I know, it’s sad.  It’s actually pretty embarrassing to admit.  And maybe I’ll regret it… but I felt like I needed to get it out.  Sometimes I fear that fine art photography is losing my interest.  I say only fine art because I still feel that huge urge to photograph other people and my clients, but since last school semester, I just don’t have much desire to work on my fine art photography portfolio.  It’s crazy because less than a year ago that’s all I wanted to do.  I still have hope though.  I don’t think my passion for fine art photography has left me quite yet (fingers crossed it never will).  I think this whole month of January I’ve just felt completely overwhelmed by growing up and becoming an adult.  I’ve been spending entirely way too much time on figuring out how I’m going to pay all these bills, what the next chapter is in my life, and how can I transition from a dependent girl to an independent woman without making any lifelong mistakes.  It’s tough.  If you’ve already made that transition, then you know.  If you haven’t yet, well then, here’s your warning!

Nearly 4 years ago, I was starting my first semester at AAU and it being online, I had the choice of living at home with my parents… which is where I was at the time.  Thing is, I had been living away from home at college for two and a half years and I got a huge taste of what being independent felt like and there was no way I was ready to give that up.  I made the decision to move out of Marion and to Columbus.  Columbus is Ohio’s capital and basically (in my opinion) the best city to live in in Ohio.  Anyways, I found myself a roommate and I did the damn thing!  It was scary at first.  I had never had my own apartment, rent or bills to pay before.  But I had a lot of financial help from my parents.  I am so incredibly blessed.  Shortly after I moved to Columbus, I ran into Austin, who at the time was just an old high school friend I hadn’t seen in quite some time.  From there on though we’ve pretty much been inseparable.  Going on my third year in Columbus, Austin and I decided to move in together.  Of course he chose to move to Columbus apposed to me moving back to Marion.  Let’s just say he fell in love with the city just as much as I had.  We’ve been living here together for almost a year and a half in an extremely spacious duplex … with a basement … and a sun room ….. and two patios.  Yeah, we’re spoiled!  It being a very old house, we’ve had our issues and our complaints, and we’ve come across the cons of living in Columbus, but overall, Columbus is exactly where we’d decide to reside in Ohio if we chose to stay here long-term.  Unfortunately though, our chapter in Columbus is coming to an end and I don’t think it’ll ever pop up in our future again.

Austin and I have made the very difficult but much needed decision to move back to our home town, Marion.  With our wedding coming up in less than a year and a half, us both approaching graduation in about a year, and our dreams of moving out of state after college… it’s just not logical to reside in this big city where the rent is sky-rocket high and our heating/cooling bills are outrageous because we have so much square feet under our roof.  I’ve shed many tears over the past couple of weeks and I’ve had sleepless nights because I cannot shut my brain off.
To some, this may have been no big deal to you and you’re probably thinking I’m a huge drama queen right now… but for me, Columbus has really become home for me.  I’m the type of person who gets really attached to where I live.  It’s always scary for me moving to a new place.  I hate getting used to where I’m going and where the hell the closest grocery store is, but once I’ve figured it all out, I don’t ever want to leave.  Luckily, Marion is small, and I know where most of everything is!  I did grow up there after all.  So I won’t have the anxiety of moving to a new area, but man do I hate having to leave this city.  Literally just a few weeks ago I was brainstorming ways on how I can get my portrait business brand out there into the Columbus area.  I was ready to tackle the big, bad Cbus and have a successful year with new clients.  But things change, life happens.

Honestly, when I opened this document, my plan wasn’t to spill this all out.  I was simply going to leave it at paragraph one, but then it just kind of happened.  So maybe I do know why I’ve been so unmotivated to even think about shooting for my fine art portfolio.  I think this is it.  A major change is about to happen for me… one that I never thought would happen.  I’m still in the process of accepting it, but with the support of Austin, my family, friends, and even you, I’m sure I’ll be just fine.  I always am.  xo Ali Bee

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