The Diaries of a Bride-To-Bee Entry 7: How I’m Feeling

57 Days.  That is how many days are left until Austin and I tie the knot.  Even after being engaged for over two and a half years, I still cannot wrap my mind around the fact that I am getting married.  It feels completely surreal.  The closer we get, the more feelings I feel – excited, nervous, stressed, happy, overwhelmed, and the list goes on.  I think as a bride-to-bee, I’ve sought out looking for advice on planning and DIY’s, but I’ve never found much on how to handle the feelings you feel leading up to the wedding.  Today, instead of talking about what projects we’ve completed or that we decided on red napkins, I’m going to talk about what’s been going on in my head.  Or as I like to call it – the good, the bad, and the ugly.

WeddingEntry7

The good…

The excitement and the love, oh the love, that I have for my fiancé, Austin, is stronger than it’s ever been before.  There is not  even a teeny weeny bit of doubt in my mind that Austin and I are meant to share a life together.  I cannot imagine my life with anyone else.  When you truly love someone, you no longer see them just as who they are, but you also see who they could be.  I see Austin every day as who he is – a hardworking man who provides me with security and a friendship that no one else can.  But I also see him as who he could and will be – the man I purchase my first home with, the father to our future children, and the only man that I want to argue and laugh with for the rest of my days.  With each day, I feel more and more grateful to call him mine.

That being said, it is with every inch of my body that I feel excitement to finally start this next chapter of our lives, as husband and wife.  I love him more today than I did yesterday and I will love him more tomorrow than I do today.  Words cannot express how good it feels to love someone like that.

The bad…

My wedding dress is actually a sundress.  I’m running late to my own ceremony.  The food truck doesn’t show.  The reception is in my Grandma’s garage.  The guests arrive hours early and are waiting impatiently.  I’m still setting things up while the guests are arriving.  My dress is pink and army green.  Guests don’t show at all.  There has been more nights than I can count where I have had one, sometimes multiple, nightmares regarding the wedding.  The first couple of times, I panicked in my sleep, practically in tears, and then woke up feeling overwhelmed.  Thankfully, I now find them slightly entertaining because I know they are only dreams and when I wake up, I usually feel a bit more motivated to get some of the planning done.  Take that, bad dreams! [insert fist emoji]

The ugly…

Sometimes I can’t sleep.  Countdowns are usually supposed to be exciting, right?  Well, it is exciting that there’s only 57 days left until I get to marry my best friend, but seeing how soon it is also freaks me out.  I’ll admit it, I’m like my mother.  I worry and stress A TON.  Sure, the big things are pretty much done.  Thank goodness.  But there’s still over 50 things on my to-do list that need done, and I’m sure the list will grow before shrinking.

Some days my head spins when I look at the list.  Some days I don’t stress at all until I go to bed and find myself awake for hours, thinking about all the things that need done.  Some days I cry for what feels like absolutely no reason, but deep down I know it’s because I’m so overwhelmed.  Some days I feel super productive and end my day on a high note.  It’s all a part of wedding planning!  Thankfully, I’m blessed with a very supportive family and an incredible fiancé who knows when I’m freaking out and reminds me that, “this is supposed to be a fun and exciting time in our life… otherwise, what’s the point?

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